These Little Vents
by Milk of Awesomeness
Summary: So, I'm team Edward, definitely, and I despise Renesmee and Jacob being together, and Jacob himself. But, I got to thinking " I wonder what Jacob would do if he found out what we Team Bedward/ Reneslec, and Rahuel's actaully felt about him." So, I am going to make parodies of songs describing what I think his feeling are. They will range from being a pedofile to being hot-headed.
1. Its Just A Wolf Thing

**Wolf Thing-One Thing-One Direction**

I tried keeping my cool,

but when I'm getting hate from you...

Remember, I have no say,

In the pedofilish wolf ways

* * *

Keep on speaking your lies,

But Ness is my kyptonite

She keeps making me weak,

But at the same time, complete.

* * *

Something's got to change now,

I'm trying to make you see

That I need her here with me know

It's just a wolf thing.

* * *

So, shut up, shut up, shut up please,

Nothing you do will make her leave me

for Naheul or Alec Volturi

It will always be me,

it's just a wolf thing.

* * *

Alec breaks his own laws

You don't notice at all

come on, Quil did what I did too,

He gets no hate from you

* * *

Something's got to change now,

I'm trying to make you see

That I need her here with me know

It's just a wolf thing.

* * *

So, shut up, shut up, shut up please,

Nothing you do will make her leave me

for Naheul or Alec Volturi

It will always be me,

* * *

So get out, get out, get out of my life

Don't criticize the love that's mine

It's pure and impossible to resist

It's just a wolf thing.

She's just got that... one thing.

* * *

It's just a wolf thing.

So get out, get out, get out of my life

Don't criticize the love that's mine

* * *

So, shut up, shut up, shut up please,

Nothing you do will make her leave me

for Naheul or Alec Volturi

It will always be me,

* * *

So get out, get out, get out of my life

Don't criticize the love that's mine

It's pure and impossible to resist

It's just a wolf thing.

She's just got that... one thing.


	2. Im Mr Wolfy

**Wolfboy: I disagree with your feelings on Reneslec. Personally I love them. But Your reasoning makes sense. I've always wondered why people wanted them together for that very reason. (Out of everyone I've seen her paired up with that is not Jake, Seth, not Alec, is probably our best chance at changing Meyer's mind.) **

**I like your reasoning and open-mindedness on the AU couple with Renesmee, even though you made it clear you support Nessie/Jacob strongly and are one of those people who believe they are meant to be together. I agree with you, there is way too much of an age difference between Alec and full-grown Renesmee for it to work. My family's reasoning on why Reneslec would never work was worse. "Because Jacob is her mate." Is not a reason. Imprint and Mate are not synonymous and some people, mostly the idiots on Quotev, need to be told thus. (BTW, I use the word idiot as an endearing term for stranger with no common sense, not as calling people stupid.) **

**Personally, on the "Jacob and Renesmee are mates." I feel like Meyer's intention was for that to happen, so **

**a. the Cullens Didn't have to deal with "Mopey Jake."**

**b. Renesmee wouldn't be like Edward and go 100 years waiting for someone to love.**

**But, I don't feel like they are mates. Nessie didn't grow old enough for us to know for sure whether they get together or if she will be the first imprint to reject it. But I am positive that it was the intended outcome, unless Stephenie reads the FanFics of her books to see what the readers want, during the process of writing the supposed new book about Renesmee, then maybe she'll find a way to throw Reneslec in the mix. She came up with a lot of other stuff. Backstories for characters not even mentioned in the books and stuff. Personally, a prequel based off of Alec and Jane is what I really want at this moment. Most others in the fandom agree with me, from the discussions I've seen people have on multiple fansites. (You would think they'd be the most hated in the Twilight books. Ironically, it is the opposite)**

* * *

**I'm Mister Wolfy-Piece of Me-Britney Spears**

* * *

I've been 6 foot 7 since I was just sixteen,

Don't matter if I stay at the scene or run away and leave

They're still gonna bash the supporters of my team,

you wanna piece of me?

I'm Mr. Wolfy

* * *

I'm the ultimate lovin

Another day, another shippin'

They can't see the harm in making me with Leah,

And with Ness and Bells on the side I'm obviously a heartbreaker

I'm the Hot Mr. Wolfy

* * *

I'm Mister "Has ultimate pedowolf hotness,"

I'm Mr. Wolfy

I'm Mister "Oh my god, that Jacob's shirtless."

I'm Mr. Wolfy,

I'm Mister "Steals all of Edward's lovin,

'Cause I'm Mr. Wolfy

Now you have the nerve to change Ness to Ren

You wanna piece of me?

* * *

I'm Mister "Ren should be with Alec

And it pisses me off

I should try to kill her," you stories merely make me scoff

Because I'm more loved than that glittery Edward.

Now are you sure you wanna piece of me,

I'm Mr. Wolfy

* * *

I'm told I can't love Nessie when I loved her mom first,

When Sam gets away with cousins, are you f*cking kidding me?

No wonder no one likes this stupid fandom, I mean please,

Quil and Sam must be pleased...

* * *

I'm Mister "Has ultimate pedowolf hotness,"

I'm Mr. Wolfy

I'm Mister "Oh my god, that Jacob's shirtless."

I'm Mr. Wolfy,

I'm Mister "Steals all of Edward's lovin,

'Cause I'm Mr. Wolfy

Now you have the nerve to change Ness to Ren

You wanna piece of me?

* * *

I've been 6 foot 7 since I was just sixteen,

Don't matter if I stay at the scene or run away and leave

They're still gonna bash the supporters of my team,

you wanna piece of me?

I'm Mr. Wolfy


	3. Jacob the Pedophile Werewolf

**Jacob the Pedophile Werewolf- Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer**

* * *

You know Sam and Leah and Seth and Embry

Quil and Jared and Collin and Brady

And don't forget Paul

And the most infamous Quileute of all…

* * *

Jacob the pedophile werewolf,

Had a love that quickly grows,

And if you ever saw her,

You could even say she glows,

* * *

Her blonde aunt Rosalie,

Used to laugh and call him names

Her and infamous Jacob,

Had a name-calling game

* * *

Then one foggy December Day,

The Volturi came to slay…

His lover with the chocolate eyes,

The apple of his eye

* * *

Now, the Cullen's love him

He's Nessie's destiny

Jacob, the Pedophile Werewolf,

Loves her not your OC!

* * *

**I'm in the Christmas mood. Happy Holidays. **

**Any requests?**

**Song you want parodied? Idea for Jake to complain about? **

**I'm going to post "Jingle Bells Parody "on Christmas Day.**


	4. Edwards Hell

**Wolfboy: Okay my first reply to you confused even me, so this is it in simpler terms**

**1. I don't hate Reneslec**

**2. I agree that Reneslec is not probable because of the age difference**

**3. As said above, I agree with your logic**

**4. Stephenie Meyer only made Jacob with Renesmee to heal his "broken heart." **

**5. I don't agree with the statement that my family members always make, "Renesmee cannot possibly be with Nahuel or Alec only because of the fact Jacob is her mate." She is his imprint, and the only thing implying that they will be together is the screwed-up Breaking Dawn movie**

**6. Seth is probably the best person who is not Nahuel or Jacob for Renesmee to fall in love with.**

**7. Not even the official guide said whether or not she falls for Jacob, therefore we should stop assuming . **

**8. On the other hand, regarding the age difference, Carlisle and Esme felt connections to each other when she was a teenager and his body was physically 23. And Siobhan and Liam are physically 15 years apart. And Stephenie Meyer supposedly said, "Alec and Renesmee being together is a viable idea." I still, unfortunately, do not have a source for the last statement. I'm not quite sure if she ever actually did.**

**9. Perhaps, because Alec is supposed to be her mate, instead of growing to 16-20 like she's supposed to, Ness stops somewhere between 12-15?  
**

**Now regarding statement two:**

**That makes sense as well. Maggie(15) Benjamin(15) Alec(12-13) Jane(12-13) The youngest vampires in the fandom. Only one has a mate, and they were in love as humans as well.**

* * *

**Now, switching from this discussion to this chapter. I went for one set in Eclipse instead of post Breaking Dawn this time.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Edward's Hell-Jingle Bells**

* * *

Dashing through the woods,

In wolf form I see,

7 sparkly vampires,

Staring right at me…

I'm in love with the mate,

Of the redheaded lonely one,

But that don't make me a sleaze

No matter what you think…

* * *

Oh, Edward's Hell, Edward's Hell,

That's what I am you see…

He'd like it better if I died,

But it doesn't bother me!

* * *

Over her we fight

He likes to read my mind…

But then he starts bitchin'

About what of I fantasize.

Yes, it maybe his girl undressed,

But what the hell did he expect?

She's beautiful like a rose

Misfortune she often brought

She gets herself in trouble,

With the vampires quite a lot.

* * *

Oh, Edward's Hell, Edward's Hell,

That's what I am you see…

He'd like it better if I died,

But it doesn't bother me!

* * *

Oh, Edward's Hell, Edward's Hell,

That's what I am you see…

He'd like it better if I died,

But it doesn't bother me!

* * *

She has long made her choice

But I can't help but hope,

That I might hear her voice

Say "Jacob Black is dope"

But there will never be this day,

No matter how much I pray

That Edward will fall to the ground dead,

Or she'll pick me instead

* * *

Oh, Edward's Hell, Edward's Hell,

That's what I am you see…

He'd like it better if I died,

But it doesn't bother me!

* * *

Oh, Edward's Hell, Edward's Hell,

That's what I am you see…

He'd like it better if I died,

But it doesn't bother me!


	5. Love is Sin

**Love is sin~~Bruises and Bite-marks~~Good With Grenades**

* * *

I'm a furry spitfire,

With a love hanging by a wire

Her inhibitions rise

She believes manipulative lies

* * *

She trusts everything you say

And you brought her pain

She lies and screams

Of her loveless dreams

* * *

You're in a place of fear,

Vamps are for killing here

Let's make this moment last a while,

Let's kiss tonight before I go to battle

* * *

Feel the panic rise,

She's plotting her demise

I want to leave, but don't know how, but she's going to live somehow

* * *

He brings charm and is dazzling

You're hopeless and naïve

He will show you pain

In way too many ways

* * *

You will believe his lies,

And you don't realize,

You're only food in his eyes,

Love is his disguise

* * *

You're in a place of fear,

Vamps are for killing here

Let's make this moment last a while,

Let's kiss tonight before I go to battle

* * *

Feel the panic rise,

She's plotting her demise

I want to leave, but don't know how, but she's going to live somehow

* * *

You're in a place of fear,

Vamps are for killing here

Let's make this moment last a while,

Let's kiss tonight before I go to battle

* * *

Feel the panic rise,

She's plotting her demise

I want to leave, but don't know how, but she's going to live somehow

* * *

You're in a place of fear,

Vamps are for killing here

Let's make this moment last a while,

Let's kiss tonight before I go to battle

* * *

Feel the panic rise,

She's plotting her demise

I want to leave, but don't know how, but she's going to live somehow.


	6. Pairings

**Pairing-girlfriend-Avril Lavigne**

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your shipping

No Way! No Way! You kind of made a bad one

Hey! Hey! You! You! those are some sick ones…

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! You must not like me

No Way! No Way! you paired me up with Eddie

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't want to be his boyfriend!

* * *

Ed is lame, has no game, and he smells sick,

I want to kill him to pass the time cuz I'm vindictive

Don't you remember? I want to set his ass alight

* * *

Don't pretend that I actually think him precious,

But his girl, she's finer than a princess.

I know Edwards hates me too, and you know I'm right.

* * *

He's like, "So whatever"

Bella could do, so much better

And yes, I want them to break up now

But not for the reasons you're thinking about

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your pairing

No Way! No Way! You kind of made a bad one

Hey! Hey! You! You! those are some sick ones…

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! You must not like me

No Way! No Way! you paired me up with Eddie

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't want to be his boyfriend!

* * *

I can see the way; see the way you write about me,

And even when you stop writing, I know you dislike me

I know you diss on me, all the time again and again

* * *

And no I don't like Leah Clearwater

So make her and Edward Cullen disappear

I don't wanna see Jedwards and Jeahs again

* * *

He's like, "So whatever"

Bella could do, so much better

And yes, I want them to break up now

But not for the reasons you're thinking about

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your stories

No Way! No Way! You kind of made a bad one

Hey! Hey! You! You! those are some sick ones…

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! You must not like me

No Way! No Way! you paired me up with Eddie

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't want to be his boyfriend!

* * *

In a second, your brains will be bashed in,

Cuz, I don't like-like either of them

I love Bella, so when's it gonna sink in?

Not Ed and Leah, what the hell were you thinkin'

* * *

In a second, your brains will be bashed in,

Cuz, I don't like-like either of them

I love Bella, so when's it gonna sink in?

Not Ed and Leah, what the hell were you thinkin'

* * *

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your fanfics…

**Etc. Etc. Etc,**


End file.
